I have to say it’s been ten years that I have divorced my husband. During the end of our marriage I became sick but was never diagnosed with what it was. Stress seemed to be the reason for it. I started getting panic attacks a lot. Once I even fainted in my bathroom after getting up in the middle of the night as I felt the need to go to the bathroom from my panic attack. That was the first time I learned to never do that again. I learned to stay put during panic attacks and not dare leave my bed, unless I would have someone that would be able to come with me. That did not happen until much later in my life.
During our separation I was diagnosed with gluten sensitivity, but because I was in the middle of a divorce with four children and starting my life over at the age of 38 I felt I didn’t have the time, knowledge, or strength to deal with this at this time. My priorities were on everything else but me.
Many nights I would lay in my bed trying to breathe through my panic attacks, scared that it would get out of control and I would pass out and maybe not wake up the next morning.
Its quite crazy if I think about it today, how I managed everything that went on during those years; how scary and overwhelming everything was and I handled it to my greatest ability, but suddenly my food sensitivity got worse and with that my panic attacks got worse, my GI- symptoms got worse, my anxiety got worse and everything became even more stressful. It became a vicious cycle, where I could not see a way out at the time. I felt stuck.
My priorities were still the same, everything and everyone, just not me.
Now I am not saying that my children should not have been my number one priority and that my clients should not have been a priority either, no. What I am saying is, I needed to make myself the number one priority so I could keep all my other priorities and do what I have to do to survive and live. What I realized was that without me all the other priorities did not exist.
My food sensitivity worsening forced me to make a choice, to make me a priority, to make all this nonsense and insanity go away.
In a way “Thank god” it did, otherwise I’m not sure where I would be today.
It’s just too bad that it needed to come so far for me to take care of myself.
I wonder sometimes why so many of us always take ourselves last.
So, once I decided that enough was enough, I actually started listening and applying the things I was told and the things I learned through school and research to my own life. Things, such as not just cutting gluten out of my diet but also sugars. I added in all the good foods, fats, took out all the toxins that accompanied me throughout my daily life, added in self-care, things I enjoy and that do me well, such as meditation and exercise amongst other things.. That’s when symptoms slowly disappeared, and my health slowly but finally came into place. My life became more organized, healthier, fulfilled and saner.
So, you see, today I have been a little over two years symptom free and when my son had his 27th birthday last weekend I ate the fucking Birthday cake, filled with all the gluten goodness, and guess what? I am fine, no side effects.
The only way I accomplished this is by taking care of me, making me a priority. Eating that cake was amazing and if you would have told me as little as three years ago that I would be eating gluten goodness cake on my son’s birthday, I would have told you that you are completely nuts.
Now this does not mean that I can eat gluten all the time, no not at all. But I can have a treat and not worry about it as much. Enjoy that time of eating a Birthday cake and not suffer from stomach cramping, bloating or even diarrhea anymore.