Whoops, I did it again! 10 Years in the making!
Whoops I did it again! 10 Years in the making!
This week I will be getting married for the second time. The first time around, I like to say, that I used my experiences as a learning curve. My first husband and I were married for 17 years and have four amazing kids, two boys, and two girls. Today they are grown, and my youngest has just graduated from high school and is about to go off to college.
My first marriage was like a tornado. We got married very young, had kids right away. Neither one of us knew what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives. We were the wrong match right from the start. Completely different outlooks on life, family, and relationship. After three years we opened our first small business and bought our first house shortly after. It was a fast-paced inexperienced marriage, with what we thought at the time was love.
I have now taken my 17 years of marriage to my first husband and the past 10 years since my divorce as lessons learned and steppingstones towards my future life. What do I want from life, who do I want to be with, what kind of relationship do I really want? These were some of the questions I asked myself many times.
As young people, we think we know what love is supposed to feel like, at least in my case (after all there are those high school sweethearts that have been married happily for many years). I honestly had no idea, did you?
This time everything is so incredibly different. I have been able to answer all my own questions, it took a while, but here I am. I have a clear picture of my life (with some wiggle room of course, as life is a mysterious adventure). Once my new husband came through that door at my salon almost nine years ago, everything changed. You could call it, “love at first sight”, just cutting his hair made my heart race, and I was scared to mess it up. Believe me when I say I could cut hair blindfolded, but not with this guy. Every time he walked through that door; my heart would beat so fast and hard I was scared he would hear it. We had great conversations and he kept coming back every other week to get another cut even though he was trying to let his hair grow.
I could tell you a whole novel about this guy, but the short version is, that he is truly the love of my life. Meeting him has answered all the questions I ever had, such as what I want to do for myself, who I want to be with, and how I want to spend the rest of my life.
Stepping into my second marriage with this guy brings everything I ever wanted to my life because with him it doesn’t matter what life will bring, as we are in it together. We know we can get through anything as we support each other no matter what because that’s what we do. Good times and bad, the days you don’t feel like getting out of bed, or the days you feel like giving up on yourself, we pick each other up and catch each other whenever necessary. We are always better together.
He is the one I love seeing when I first wake up and the last one before I go to sleep, the one I miss when he is not with me and get excited about seeing when he comes home, the one I can share everything with, no matter what it is. We have no secrets, we communicate fully about each other’s days, lives, worries, and happy exciting things. We trust each other, all the way.
He is kid-approved as they all love him, and he loves them. It is pretty amazing the kinds of relationships we all have formed with each other. I consider myself very lucky and with this, I want to give hope to all the ladies that might be going through a divorce right now or are divorced already.
There are many of us, so I want to say, just because your marriage did not succeed Stay strong don’t give up on yourself or your future, and you will find what you seek most. Maybe this would be a second marriage for you, but maybe not, maybe you have something completely different in mind. Whatever it is keep moving towards it.
It’s been 10 years since my divorce and believe me when I tell you it was no fun; my ex and I did not get along it was a rough time during marriage and after.
I had many ups and downs with many tears, anger, frustrations, not knowing where to go from here, starting over with nothing to my name, other than my small business and my children. I wanted to pack up and leave to go back to Germany so badly, be with my true friends and family.
Instead, I stayed. I wanted my children to have both parents (I wanted them to have what I never had, as I grew up with a single mother, I couldn’t take that away from them no matter how much I missed my family, no matter how much I didn’t want to be here. After all, it was not their fault for our divorce, we did that to ourselves), and I wanted them to know that we both love them deeply, no matter what. Everything I did from that day forward was truly in the interest of my children’s wellbeing, over mine.
I often felt that this is how life would just be from now on. I felt as if:
- things would never get better,
- I would never find anyone that could truly be my partner in life
- life would continue to be just that
- negativity was the overwhelming, draining factor in my life
I found out that the friends I had were truly not my friends
It’s kind of a yucky place to be, don’t you agree?
Thank God I forced myself away from this mindset! With that I learned and found:
- new and true friends,
- my new husband
- that there is a whole new world out there, and I can be in it
- taught my kids that divorce does not have to be all bad
- there is life, love, and happiness after divorce
- life is what you make of it
- life is too precious for negativity, jealousy, and hate
- happiness always comes first
It does get better, just keep moving forward. Take everything you have experienced through your divorced marriage and learn from it, let it be your guide to life, a career, a relationship, a degree, anything you want to do in your future. Use it as your power tool, turn your mistakes, losses, regrets into something beautiful.
You will find happiness, and yes the grass can be greener on the other side, you may need to trot through some dirt and maybe even get stuck in the mud for a while, but if you keep moving forward, you will get to the greener grass and you will be able to find what it is you are looking for.
As with everything else in life even marriage is a work of art, it takes time, patience, communication, respect for one another, and lots of tender loving care.
Keep your chin up high, life is waiting for you!
As I did it again! and you can also do it.
P.s I would love to hear from you, to where you are in your life during or after divorce. So, leave me a message below!
If you enjoyed this Whoops I did it again! 10 Years in the making blog I encourage you to read my blog about my childhood, how growing up in Germany has influenced my lifestyle and diet. Just click this link and it will bring directly to my blog:
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